Tonight will be my first night away from Pooh since Hurricane Gustav - I have to go out of town for business.  As a matter of fact, I’m supposed to be on the road in twenty minutes, but that isn’t going to happen.  I spent most of the morning having some quality time with her and it was more than worth getting a late start.

I know I’m biased, but she is just the sweetest thing to me!  I know you parents out there have already went through what I’m talking about, but everyday is new and wonderful to me.

I think my writing will start to pick up now that she is doing more and more things for me to talk about.

I think I’m making some progress with Pooh. Just yesterday she fell asleep with me after being fussy - she was actually in a 12-round super-babyweight fight with sleep. She lost the fight with sleep, Daddy lost the fight with sleep and then Mommy startled me waking us both up. But I digress.
What may seem like a small thing is huge to me. Her relationship with Mommy is built-in, but she is learning to have a level of comfort with me. I’m not going to say I was worried about it, but I did ask a male co-worker if he went through something similar with his daughter. I guess the most important thing is the progress we are making. I’m so smitten with her I can hardly stand it!

Today I had my first exploding diaper; when I think about it I wouldn’t be upset if it was my last.  Pooh was sitting on my lap and seemed to be content.  Sometimes rubbing her belly and talking to her calmly is all it takes to get her to sit without being too fussy.  Anyway, we are sitting there and it happened.  It actually wasn’t like an explosion, but more like a shotgun blast out the side of her diaper.  She normally wears a t-shirt and diaper around the house, but today she had on a onsey (is that how you spell it?).  Like I said, it was kind of like a shot gun blast and some of it came out of the diaper, on the onsey and my shirt.  I don’t think I panicked too much - my wife may have a different version of this story.  It is all good though because her little system is working just fine.  Besides, how can I get mad at this pretty little face?

My daughter, due the 14th of August, will be our first child and I’m admitting one thing right now: I have some fears about being a new dad and I went looking in the first place I always look: the Internet. Since I rely on technology to teach me things I don’t know, I got on the computer and used my best friend (Google) to help me. My friend Google always comes through and this was no exception. I found an article titled Seven Fears Expectant Fathers Face. The author, Dr. Jerrold Lee Shapiro, starts with the following:

“The biggest fear men face is the one most deeply hardwired into our culture: Will I be able to protect and provide for my family? In most families when the first child arrives, there’s this sudden if temporary shift from two incomes for two people to one income for three. And that’s a tough burden to carry in today’s world. The father has to be strong in ways he hadn’t counted on before. He has to provide support not just financially but also emotionally: His wife will need his help, she’ll be undergoing dramatic emotional shifts, and he has to be ready for her to lean on him.”

The feelings I’m going through are in line with what the article says - protecting and providing are the first concerns about the baby. Up until now I’ve worried about my wife, like a husband should, and often thought about protecting and providing for her, but now things will be different. As adults, we can take care of ourselves and each other, but now we will have a little one who will rely on the two of us 100%. We can no longer work long hours or a second job without considering care for our daughter so that cuts off some of our options to provide for the family. We can’t both be out burning both ends of the candle with a little one to look after. So what do we do? We are blessed and wouldn’t have to worry about this as long as our job situations stayed the same, but (expectant) change is coming. I’m about to retire (for the first time) next year and I will be looking for a job; this will be the first time I’ve looked for a job in 20 years. Can someone tell me if they felt the same way and if so what they did to cope with those feelings?

I’m looking for feedback to tell me if I’m wrong, right or scared for no reason. I’m sure some of my readers will have experience and can help me through this time. Don’t get me wrong, I’m very excited to see her more than anything else in the world. I’m looking for this to change me and become a better man for it. This conversation via a blog is just another way to communicate. In order for me to consider tha communication successful I need to know you received it. The only way I know that is if you comment. Tell me what to look for and help guide me through this time.